Conversation is the most human and humanizing thing that we do.

I have seen this resilience during my own research at a device-free summer camp. At a nightly cabin chat, a group of 14-year-old boys spoke about a recent three-day wilderness hike. Not that many years ago, the most exciting aspect of that hike might have been the idea of roughing it or the beauty of unspoiled nature. These days, what made the biggest impression was being phoneless. One boy called it “time where you have nothing to do but think quietly and talk to your friends.” The campers also spoke about their new taste for life away from the online feed. Their embrace of the virtue of disconnection suggests a crucial connection: The capacity for empathic conversation goes hand in hand with the capacity for solitude.

In solitude we find ourselves; we prepare ourselves to come to conversation with something to say that is authentic, ours. If we can’t gather ourselves, we can’t recognize other people for who they are. If we are not content to be alone, we turn others into the people we need them to be. If we don’t know how to be alone, we’ll only know how to be lonely.

A VIRTUOUS circle links conversation to the capacity for self-reflection. When we are secure in ourselves, we are able to really hear what other people have to say. At the same time, conversation with other people, both in intimate settings and in larger social groups, leads us to become better at inner dialogue.

:)

Let's Take A Walk

"But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her."

Luke 10:42

Mary, a woman after God's own heart, made the choice that indicated her heart's devotion: She knew it was important to cease her busyness, stop all activity, and set aside secondary things in order to focus wholly on the Lord. 

Unlike her sister, who was so busy doing things for the Lord that she failed to spend time with Him. Mary put worship at the top of her to-do list.

The word "priority" means "to prefer". We want to choose to prefer God's way in all things.

The point of realizing how necessary it is for the Lord to take precedence over everything and everyone in this life. What is love.

To live content with small means. To seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion. To be worthy not respectable, and wealthy not rich. To listen to stars and birds and babes and sages with an open heart. To study hard, think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions. Never hurry. In a word, to let the spiritual, the unbidden and the unconscious rise up through the common. This is my symphony.

—	William Henry Channing

2016

"It's 4:40 on January 2nd, but I still haven't gone to bed and so I'm continuing to classify this as January 1st" says the cheater who has left this post for the ultimate-last-minute (and more).

I've been putting this post off because
1. My nails are too long to type long posts
2. I do not think a blog post can justify my learnings within a year
3. ^ Wanting to perfect something (this post) that I know won't ever be perfect, makes me not want to do it at all

However, #3 is a bad mindset to own and something I will work on overcoming, and so I will type this regardless.

2015 has been a year of fine-tuning.
I came into the year pursuing a plan of intentional growth, without a plan.
I came out of it having learned things I'd like to add, subtract and adjust.

Here are my findings. I have a lot to say, but I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

I completed my first 365 project Journey in Grace on December 31st.
As simple as it was to take a few photos throughout my day and post them on Tumblr, the project taught me that consistency is a choice. You can't just hope to finish a project, you need to make the decision and commit to it regardless of how you feel in that instant. Which obviously also delves into more serious projects in life that require consistency. This is a whole other topic that I will not cover right now.
More importantly, Journey in Grace taught me about gratefulness. Throughout the 365 days, I had less than 5 "bad days". It's crazy to even classify a day as bad (because none are). But I think that ratio is absolutely amazing. To be able to look back on a handful of photos and remember every thought and occurrence of a day is great, and to be able to witness how full life is... Is even greater.


2015 was a year heavily focused on capacity.
Looking back at my 365 project, I noticed that in the beginning of the year every reflection I had was on the topic of wanting to grow my capacity and love, love, love to the fullest of extent.
The middle of the year showed the fruits of this mindset as every post was a fulfillment of those desires. AKA Me, pouring out everything into everyone, every day, as much as I could.
The last few months of 2015, I went under a little bit of a coma from that mindset, lost balance and took a while to find my groove again.
Here, I found the importance of rest and replenishment.
Even the Lord rested on the 7th day.


I definitely had more new experiences in 2014, however this year built upon it.
- Having the car almost every day
- Budgeting & Receipt tracking
- Making Visa and Mastercard my slaves and not vice versa
- Leaving Le Chateau and starting at Dr. Mitchell's
- Leading sessions
- New service
- Frequent roadtrips

Constant consciousness of the Lord's presence and works in all situations. You are Intentional.

This year, I learned that routines and systems are less binding and more freeing.
This is coming from the kid who once complained about how systematic everything is and how spontaneity should rule.
Spontaneity is great. But it can often exhaust and enslave if you are not in control of your schedule/finances.
- It's important to know your schedule and be in control of it. Learning to say "no". Frequent yes' = slavery. Make value-based decisions.
- It's important to face the facts and be in control of your finances. It is freeing to know where your $ is going.

Compassion. This year, I've been faced with situations of needing to adapt to different personalities. It was indeed very much a test of patience and humility and has taught me a lot when it comes to seeking to understand before being understood.

Character-Strengthening. I was often spread thin and stretched apart in 2015. Decision making was difficult but is definitely becoming easier as I fine-tune and become more conscious of a vertical alignment when making decisions. I am thankful for the times I was put in uncomfortable situations because I needed to choose what was right/what I committed to over what I wanted/what was easiest.

Minimalism-Groove. This year, I deleted and revived social media 86540860548603 times. I also threw out 5850596830860 clothing articles. Towards the end of 2015 (a whole year of deleting and discarding), I learned that simplicity is an ideal but not a template. At least for me, I require creativity. With where I'm at right now, I have narrowed my closet down to a healthy set of shades/neutrals so that I can easily put something together without requiring so much energy (because everything already matches) and at the same time still express creativity.
I have also found that deleting all social media does not work because once again, I need to express creativity.
When it comes to both, I have found a healthy median.
I choose not to follow anything that is not constantly positive/anything that will urge me to consume and spend money on photo related platforms. Another long story that I will not go into...

2016.

- To follow through on commitments regardless. Of anything.
- Daily tracking/documenting

1. calendar
2. trello - I've decided to track every article/quote/thought-out thought, in a place where I can easily find them for reference
3. keeping track of books I've read over 2016

- Carry a water bottle around and refill it 3x a day. (I don't drink water... At all sometimes = bad skin & migraines & constant fatigue) 

- Bi-weekly reflecting, Weekly executive meetings

- Me-budget restrictions to things on the list only

- Re-structured budget. 

This was a horrible year summary/new year post.
But writing something is better than nothing :)))))))))


THIS WILL BE THE BEST YEAR YET.

"I asked God why He made me too sensitive, and He promised me that it wasn’t a mistake. He told me He purposely made me delicate, not so that I could shatter easily, not so that I could be frail, not so that I could be told I’m “too soft” whenever someone tries to touch me.

It was so I could know of the gentle beauty in living. And in my tenderness, I can love in a way the world may not know of yet. My compassion has the power to speak raging waves to calmness and I can appreciate the little things He created that go unnoticed. There is something special in being fragile, and it has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. 

Being sensitive is a gift, He answered, and I shouldn’t be ashamed of it.

Just wanted to feature a homie's excitement in his calling and thoughts on emotions and potential.

ROLL 3 - 11/3/15

Allow me to remind you that among other evident signs of a lack of humility are:

1. Thinking that what you do or say is better than what others do or say
2. Always wanting to get your own way
3. Arguing when you are not right or — when you are — insisting stubbornly or with bad manners
4. Giving your opinion without being asked for it, when charity does not demand you to do so
5. Despising the point of view of others
6. Not being aware that all the gifts and qualities you have are on loan
7. Not acknowledging that you are unworthy of all honour or esteem, even the ground you are treading on or the things you own
8. Mentioning yourself as an example in conversation
9. Speaking badly about yourself, so that they may form a good opinion of you, or contradict you
10. Making excuses when rebuked
11. Hiding some humiliating faults from your director, so that he may not lose the good opinion he has of you
12. Hearing praise with satisfaction, or being glad that others have spoken well of you
13. Being hurt that others are held in greater esteem than you
14. Refusing to carry out menial tasks
15. Seeking or wanting to be singled out
16. Letting drop words of self-praise in conversation, or words that might show your honesty, your wit or skill, your professional prestige…
17. Being ashamed of not having certain possessions…

St. Josemaria, pray for us!

ROLL 2 - 10/19/15

Posting on this blog feels like home to me. Unfortunately I don't get around to it as often as I would like. Here is a long overdue post of ROLL 2. Working through and about halfway to developing ROLL 3, I'm excited :)

"She began to add value to herself first, and later saw the value in herself."

"It's impossible to consistently behave in a matter inconsistent with how we see ourselves."

"People are never able to outperform their self-image."

Three quotes that I underlined in this chapter.

Blessed to have grown a lot in this department over the past little while and to continue to be intentionally pursuing growth in this area. It's so important to know your worth and your infinite potential as a child of God. In order to accomplish significant work for the Lord, you must first be able to visualize what you are capable of doing. To see it in your mind's eye. To solidify it and believe that you can. If the seeds of possibilities for you are never planted in your mind, they can never grow to be anything (there were no intentions in the first place). Believe in yourself. Love yourself. And take a risk because you're created to be great for Him. When you play small, when you hide your talents, when you keep quiet of the Good News, it does nothing to serve the world.

I also found the section Steps to Build Your Self-Image incredibly valuable.

1. Guard your self-talk. Whether you know it or not, you have a running conversation with yourself all the time. What is the nature of yours? Do you encourage yourself? Or do you criticize yourself? Become your own encourager!
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. What happens when you compare yourself to others? Usually its one of two things: either you perceive the other person to be far ahead of you and you feel discouraged, or you perceive yourself to be better than the other person, and you become proud. Neither is good for you or will help you grow. Your mission should be to become better than you were yesterday, and you do that by focusing on you. 
3. Move beyond your limiting beliefs. "When a man has put a limit on what he will do, he has put a limit on what he can do." The greatest limitations you will encounter are the ones you impose upon yourself and tell yourself you can't do. 
4. Add value to others. It's hard to feel bad about yourself when you're doing good for someone else.
5. Do the right thing, even when it's the hard thing. Being true to yourself and your values is a tremendous self-esteem builder. Every time you take action that builds your character, you become stronger as a person - the harder the task, the greater the character builder. 
6. Practice a small discipline daily in a specific area of your life. Chip away at things you need to work on bit by bit; don't try to tackle it all at once. This gives you confidence to complete the task. 
7. Celebrate small victories. It's good for you and inspires you to keep going.
8. Embrace a positive vision for your life based on what you value. What do you value? If you don't have a vision, you're likely to be apathetic. If you tap into what you value and try to see what could be, it can inspire you to take positive action.
9. Practice the one-word strategy. If you could only pick one word to describe yourself, what would it be? Make sure it's positive. 
10. Take responsibility for your life. We tend to get in life what we're willing to tolerate. If we allow others to disrespect us, we get disrespected. If we tolerate abuse, we get abused. If we don't develop a vision for ourselves, we will become a part of someone else's. 

If dressing up a notch can bring about more confidence, then maybe looking the part will help retain more information too? heh.

In Vigor

I am no where near perfect at it, but I am grateful to have taken a few steps towards a path of healthy(ER) habits. Growing up a night owl, sleep until you're sick of it, picky eater and "I don't need to exercise because I have a fast metabolism anyway" kid, were habits that I developed over the years because I often did what was most convenient and comfortable thing for me at the time.
I never thought to consider doing "what was right" in smaller areas because for the most part, when it came to larger decisions, I fell on the morally acceptable side of things anyway.

Lately I've been thinking about how I can be a better daughter of God.
 I went on a run today, put on an awesome and audio of positivity and ended up sweating buckets for the first time in a while. Along my run, it became evident how interconnected health is within all facets of life. I found that if I don't exercise, if I continue to eat oily fast food and if I continue to sleep late, I wake up early for work the next day feeling crummy about the rest of the day and about myself. You know, those days where you want to just put your earphones in, throw on some Mariana's Trench and look outside the window on public transportation imagining you're in some kind of sad movie scene. It all seemed glorious to me before, and I guess that's exactly how media makers wanted it to be. But was that the best use of my potential that day?
I think not.

See, if I felt healthy and the most optimal I can be, I feel better about myself and therefore "me" becomes less of a concern in my mind, and my focus can become redirected from everything that I have to do, everything that I feel, and refocuses onto how I can best be there for others - whether it be a greater capacity to love those closest to me, or simply to flash a smile to a stranger!
When everything about me is in check, naturally, the focus is off of myself and I can be available to love more.

Side reflection:
The other day, I was on the skytrain (and not sleeping for once... Probably because I was already awake closer to Surrey from my usual nap that lasts the extent of Granville to Gateway). The woman sitting perpendicular from me was to herself and seemed extremely annoyed at those who sat near her or disturbed her thinking. Her earphones were in the entire time and she stared intently at her phone for the duration of the train ride. At least for the part I was awake to see.
By the time we got to Gateway, I noticed her tears coming down her face as she continued to focus on her phone.
What struck me most about this occurrence were not her actions, but my reaction.
I hesitated.
And I think of the things that irked me about that situation, that would be the greatest of them.
I was disappointed in myself for hesitating to say something to her. To speak out. To reach out. To give her a hand, or anything really!
I couldn't get myself to say anything to her because fear held me back.
And the fear that held me back was nothing of significance. It was simply an underlying fear in my subconscious that was afraid of getting rejected or misinterpreted for my intentions if I spoke to her.
And it made me think about fear and selfishness, and how ugly those two characteristics are.
How such little but powerful (if you let them be so) things were able to prevent me from reaching out to someone I could have helped.
And it made me think of the rest of Western society and how common it is to be so... To yourself, all the time.
In the end, I ended up garnering the courage to speak to her and ask her if I could do anything for her. I found out that her best friend's mother was just sent to the hospital and found with three tumours. In a situation as such, my prayers were the best I could offer to her.
I hope to grow myself in the path of becoming a fearless daughter of God. Most especially when it comes to serving his people. I want to be able to instantly extend my hand literally and figuratively.
Because... Well, imagine if I was able to her. Imagine if the reason she was crying was actually something to which I had a solution. Imagine if something I had or something I could say to her could transform the course of her life. How selfish would I be to deny her of that, to deny her of my love, my service and Christ's love, all because I had minuscule fears of rejection and misinterpretation - two things that would mean nothing to me in the next 5 minutes, but if overcome, could be a miracle in someone else's life.

Anyway, my side reflection became longer than my original post haha!

tl;dr
To be a fearless daughter of God, to strive towards optimal health and mental well-being, to achieve and expand my potential with each coming day. These are all exciting things that are coming into fruition through acknowledgement, diligence, consistency and courage with each passing day.

Roll 1 - 07/27/2015

The scarcity of film has instilled in me a greater appreciation for which moments I choose to capture. Through each of these photos, I recall exactly how I felt when I took it and why I did.