8:18

It's 7:26 PM and I sit here waiting for my desktop to open up (an approximate half hour wait), so that I can print out seven different documents.

I just got back from my first day of university and I don't really know what to say about it.
Overall, the day was not bad at all. I entered the day with a little bit of the jitters but just as all days go, the day was over before I was even given the chance to think about it again. I was awake and alert throughout my lectures and that's all I could really ask for. On the social side of things, I was able to meet more new friends than I had ever expected and was even able to rekindle a few of my elementary school friendships.

But beyond all of that, I sit here and I still can't help but think that I'll never be enough.
Why is it that I constantly feel like my throat is being clasped together?
I stare at the exact same schedule that I once thought would be a breeze, that I was once excited about and find myself feeling such intimidation.
Why can't I ever get past my habit of overwhelming myself?
I look up at the mountain that stands in front of me, at the challenge that awaits me and all I want to do is roll up into a ball and cry.
And I know that I can do it too.
I know that the mountain can be conquered if I would only start. If I would only take it one trail at a time.
But I feel so weak.
Already.
I always do.

Your words have scarred my mind.
You're right. I am a quitter. And I never even realized it.
Every time I was faced with a challenge (piano, dance, etc.),  I never persevered.
I cried, I pitied myself and I found ways to crawl out of the situation.
What a baby. It's no wonder I'm so weak.
I was never aware of all of the flaws that I possessed because they were so deeply submerged in me.
And each time I swam past them, I was too afraid to come near them, to reveal them.
So I buried them even deeper into the sand, by running away, by working only on things which I would never fail.
But it seems they have surfaced.
And I can't run away anymore. I don't want to.

I want to be positive, uplifting, inspiring and happy.
I don't know where to start, but I'll keep working on it.
I'm still trying.
And I know I can do it.
I want to be the best me that I can be for my family, my friends, for you and for You.
It's 8:18 PM, my work is printed and it's time to start.
One step at a time.