An online journal created to seek meaning and purpose, to feel,

to dream, to discover, to spread joy and light, to love all of creation,

to glorify and magnify the Creator.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Your will, not mine.

Probably every single time I have dwelled upon and constantly asked God why I had to endure certain sufferings in my life, after a while I was able to see the purpose that those experience have served and I have become thankful that I was able to experience and overcome what I did. Those experiences have allowed me to surrender to Him and to allow Him to chip away at me so that I can become whatever it is He has planned for me to become. That's a given. Although I don't see it as it is in the process of unfolding, it always seems to pan out that way once I zoom out far enough to see more of the picture.

Every so often though, I realize that the suffering I had to endure and the exact way that I did it was something I intentionally asked God for through a prayer. He gave me exactly what I wanted. Exactly. And by wanting what I thought was best for me, I inflicted so much pain onto myself. He gave it to me anyways though because He knew it would do me good. It's absolutely mind-boggling though. And this is the third time now that I've asked God for something, he gives me that exact thing months later, I forget I ever asked for it, and I find myself in so much pain because of what I originally asked for.

Some crazy stuff.
In case anyone stumbles upon this though, just clearing up that I am doing really well.
The storm I speak of was months ago, but I only realized today that I called for that storm to come.
From this day forth, I ask for Your will to be done.