supreme bars at 2am, the uzshh.

I wouldn't say it's the meaning of life, but definitely such an awesome message to wake up to!

“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.”

—	Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Hey Me.
This is literally just a post to me and from me, reminding myself to take the time for self-reflection every once in a while.
Call it a "Clearing My Mind" (reference to the origins of my Tumblr in grade 11) post if you may.

• I misplaced (or someone stole) over $50 from me today and I feel oddly calm about it. Not sure whether I should be worried that I'm not worried about my own lack of responsibility. But a part of me feels like wherever that is right now, it's in whoever's hands God wants it to be in.
• I used to think a lot. And I used to think I was insane for doing so. It seems like I don't have time to think anymore. Slightly worried about that because I like to think that opinionated-but-open-about-everything Camille is a huge chunk of my personality gone missing. And besides, positive self-reflection is so necessary in order to internalize smaller details, recognize the abundance of blessings, and highlight areas that need growth. 
• I live in a hopeful world. Praise be to God. My current mission is to pass that on to every soul I encounter. 
• Current Read: A Woman After God's Own Heart
• I need to come up with 20 facts about me for Instagram. I knew myself so well 1-2 years ago. Now, when I think of myself, I see a white board that was wiped clean, with remnants of the ink that was untouched on that board for years and is now unrecognizable. 
• My biggest aspiration in life is to be able to discover "me". In everything that I love, that I always had inside of me, in the new things that I am going to love, in the things that I don't love so much. The me that is everything He meant for me to be. And I can only do that with complete and utter freedom. 
• Speaking of freedom, I drove alone for the first time today. Cruised down my favourite roads, with 103.5 in the background, playing every single Eagles song. I'll remember this day. 

"A woman who understands that when forgiveness, empathy and grace permeates your soul, you are a light to others."

- Kimberly Eaton

redi 2 conquer

Eager to start (and finish) my school work because I want to live the rest of the week moderately stress free, and continue that habit on for the totality of the fall semester. Daily disciplines!

Quite excited to be spending my Mondays and Tuesdays downtown. Despite the rain, there was already so much beauty there in which I uncovered today alone, and so many pleasant conversations as well.

Throughout my two hour break between classes, I decided to search for More Than Enough by Dave Ramsey but apparently it's unavailable at Chapters in the entire region. Instead, I read excerpts from another book on managing moolahh and planned out my September budget.

Being a Communications student and a young entrepreneur is tough, but the two have worked hand in hand to slowly trigger a desire for change in my spending habits. I've actually developed a desire for change in many of my habits, in order to build a stronger emotional stamina, and to become more disciplined and less impulsive. This disciplining starts with how I plan (and act on) spending my money and my time from here on out.

Since authenticity cannot ever be achieved through the consumption of goods that are constantly appropriated and re-appropriated by new meanings, I've decided to give that life a break (I mean, to call it quits) and focus the "me" that I can be and have yet to come to know. The "me" that can't be defined by the articles of clothing I wear or the photos of experiences I have posted on Instagram. No one but He knows who she is and so I'll take this time to discipline myself and grow closer to Him to figure out. Discipline is good. It's a sign of strength and self-control. It brings peace, freedom and true happiness.
Those were things that were once said to me as a child. I never believed it as much as I do now.

Here's an excerpt from the book I read (with a few edits by me):

To be grounded and anchored to have incredible self-belief. 

She manages negative thoughts that come into her mind. She rests knowing the Lord is in control. She is authentic and doesn't have to impress anyone. She is driven by her goals and her spending aligns to the long term vision she has for herself. She resists temptations when presented to her. 

Authentic money is tangible, thoughtful, directed and has a long-term vision. Moving from false money toward real money will transform how you earn, spend, save, and gift your money. Money that you hold yourself accountable for is money that is directed; you are no longer putting your head in the sand like an ostrich. When you are authentic with your money, you no longer have anything to prove to anyone, You are making conscious and mindful money choices. You are very present with your money and much more self-aware. You think twice before buying anything, you no longer engage in impulse buying and you have nothing to regret. You live within your means (I'll strive for below) and are conscious of all your money choices and decisions. 

Becoming more authentic boosts emotional well-being. Your wonderful gifts and talents will shine and you will stop pretending to be someone you're not. You will start reviewing your life on a daily basis, in a mindful matter, to ensure you are living an authentic life.

Monthly Goals: 

- Planned leisure outings of 6 delegated days a month

- $60 "me" money/food money a month 

- Not to post/take pride in photos of food or material items that are above my means

- To live off of 10% of my income (idealistic but doable)

- To conduct myself in a way that would make everyone glad to have encountered me (100% chance of sunshine)

- Control impulsiveness/Budget everything: especially with regard to schedule arrangements and saying yes to everything, money and anger. Practice self-control!

- Keep to daily goals and daily decisions to maintain a slight edge. 

 tl;dr 
Quit trying to keep up with the Joneses. Who the heck are the Joneses in my life? Idek. They're irrelevant. Impress Him instead. 

Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood. 

- George S. Patton

Do I ever sleep the night before school starts? Or my birthday? Or singing competitions? Nope, not really.

Maybe my movie taste isn't exactly the same as everyone else's because I actually didn't enjoy this movie all that much. Here's what I did end up relating to though.

My name is Sutter Keely and I'm 18 years old. Compared to other kids, I haven't had that many hardships. Not really. You know. Shit's happened. Stuff's happened, sure, bu, stuff always happens, right? But the real challenge in my life, the real hardship, is me. It's always been me. As long as I can remember, I've never not been afraid. Afraid of failure. Of letting people down. Hurting people. Getting hurt. I thought if I kept my guard up and focused on other things, other people... If I couldn't even feel, well, then no harm would come to me. I screwed up. Not only did I shut out the pain, I shut out everything. The good and the bad. Until there was nothing. It's fine to just "live in the now". But the best part about "now" is there's another one tomorrow. And I'm gonna start making them count. Sincerely, Sutter Keely. P.S. I don't know if this was due a long time ago. Probably was. But that's fine. It may be too late for this essay. It's not too late for me.