Your will, not mine.

Probably every single time I have dwelled upon and constantly asked God why I had to endure certain sufferings in my life, after a while I was able to see the purpose that those experience have served and I have become thankful that I was able to experience and overcome what I did. Those experiences have allowed me to surrender to Him and to allow Him to chip away at me so that I can become whatever it is He has planned for me to become. That's a given. Although I don't see it as it is in the process of unfolding, it always seems to pan out that way once I zoom out far enough to see more of the picture.

Every so often though, I realize that the suffering I had to endure and the exact way that I did it was something I intentionally asked God for through a prayer. He gave me exactly what I wanted. Exactly. And by wanting what I thought was best for me, I inflicted so much pain onto myself. He gave it to me anyways though because He knew it would do me good. It's absolutely mind-boggling though. And this is the third time now that I've asked God for something, he gives me that exact thing months later, I forget I ever asked for it, and I find myself in so much pain because of what I originally asked for.

Some crazy stuff.
In case anyone stumbles upon this though, just clearing up that I am doing really well.
The storm I speak of was months ago, but I only realized today that I called for that storm to come.
From this day forth, I ask for Your will to be done.