An online journal created to seek meaning and purpose, to feel,

to dream, to discover, to spread joy and light, to love all of creation,

to glorify and magnify the Creator.

Monday, August 17, 2015

If dressing up a notch can bring about more confidence, then maybe looking the part will help retain more information too? heh.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

In Vigor

I am no where near perfect at it, but I am grateful to have taken a few steps towards a path of healthy(ER) habits. Growing up a night owl, sleep until you're sick of it, picky eater and "I don't need to exercise because I have a fast metabolism anyway" kid, were habits that I developed over the years because I often did what was most convenient and comfortable thing for me at the time.
I never thought to consider doing "what was right" in smaller areas because for the most part, when it came to larger decisions, I fell on the morally acceptable side of things anyway.

Lately I've been thinking about how I can be a better daughter of God.
 I went on a run today, put on an awesome and audio of positivity and ended up sweating buckets for the first time in a while. Along my run, it became evident how interconnected health is within all facets of life. I found that if I don't exercise, if I continue to eat oily fast food and if I continue to sleep late, I wake up early for work the next day feeling crummy about the rest of the day and about myself. You know, those days where you want to just put your earphones in, throw on some Mariana's Trench and look outside the window on public transportation imagining you're in some kind of sad movie scene. It all seemed glorious to me before, and I guess that's exactly how media makers wanted it to be. But was that the best use of my potential that day?
I think not.

See, if I felt healthy and the most optimal I can be, I feel better about myself and therefore "me" becomes less of a concern in my mind, and my focus can become redirected from everything that I have to do, everything that I feel, and refocuses onto how I can best be there for others - whether it be a greater capacity to love those closest to me, or simply to flash a smile to a stranger!
When everything about me is in check, naturally, the focus is off of myself and I can be available to love more.

Side reflection:
The other day, I was on the skytrain (and not sleeping for once... Probably because I was already awake closer to Surrey from my usual nap that lasts the extent of Granville to Gateway). The woman sitting perpendicular from me was to herself and seemed extremely annoyed at those who sat near her or disturbed her thinking. Her earphones were in the entire time and she stared intently at her phone for the duration of the train ride. At least for the part I was awake to see.
By the time we got to Gateway, I noticed her tears coming down her face as she continued to focus on her phone.
What struck me most about this occurrence were not her actions, but my reaction.
I hesitated.
And I think of the things that irked me about that situation, that would be the greatest of them.
I was disappointed in myself for hesitating to say something to her. To speak out. To reach out. To give her a hand, or anything really!
I couldn't get myself to say anything to her because fear held me back.
And the fear that held me back was nothing of significance. It was simply an underlying fear in my subconscious that was afraid of getting rejected or misinterpreted for my intentions if I spoke to her.
And it made me think about fear and selfishness, and how ugly those two characteristics are.
How such little but powerful (if you let them be so) things were able to prevent me from reaching out to someone I could have helped.
And it made me think of the rest of Western society and how common it is to be so... To yourself, all the time.
In the end, I ended up garnering the courage to speak to her and ask her if I could do anything for her. I found out that her best friend's mother was just sent to the hospital and found with three tumours. In a situation as such, my prayers were the best I could offer to her.
I hope to grow myself in the path of becoming a fearless daughter of God. Most especially when it comes to serving his people. I want to be able to instantly extend my hand literally and figuratively.
Because... Well, imagine if I was able to her. Imagine if the reason she was crying was actually something to which I had a solution. Imagine if something I had or something I could say to her could transform the course of her life. How selfish would I be to deny her of that, to deny her of my love, my service and Christ's love, all because I had minuscule fears of rejection and misinterpretation - two things that would mean nothing to me in the next 5 minutes, but if overcome, could be a miracle in someone else's life.

Anyway, my side reflection became longer than my original post haha!

To be a fearless daughter of God, to strive towards optimal health and mental well-being, to achieve and expand my potential with each coming day. These are all exciting things that are coming into fruition through acknowledgement, diligence, consistency and courage with each passing day.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Roll 1 - 07/27/2015

The scarcity of film has instilled in me a greater appreciation for which moments I choose to capture. Through each of these photos, I recall exactly how I felt when I took it and why I did.

Behind the Viewfinder

As I've aligned myself onto a path of growth over the past year, I've found that I have gradually streamlined my schedule into a routine of busy-ness - yes, structure - yes, but for the first time in my life, being someone who once cringed at the word "routine", I have grown to love what my time has been spent doing. The difference being that my routine this time around has been wrapped around purpose and with direction to an end leading to the free, spontaneous, significant and God-glorifying life I have always yearned for.
Whether it means waking up at 6:30 every morning to leave for work, spending a huge bulk of my day expending my efforts as a mere expendable employee for someone else's practice/company, and then spending the evenings building myself and building my family's future, and somehow throwing school and creative release into the mix... It's exhausting but "while I may get tired in the work, I won't ever get tired of doing something to glorify my God and elevate my family. And I know what I currently have right now is temporary until then.

This one week trip to California has been a break in that routine. Prior to our departure, I found myself scrambling to get a week off of work, working out being away from the company and my precious association, and somehow squeeze two term papers and a presentation somewhere in there.
The pressure was demanding and I found myself not even wanting to go. However, I think the Lord as someone who sees and plans the greatest scheme of things, knew it was necessary for me and my growth in other ways.

After arriving back home, the dearest friends I have bombarded me with: How was your trip!?
It's difficult putting a raw experience into words but from what I do know, I was happy to have gone and was even happier to be back with the findings I had taken away from the trip.
Being around extended family and amidst unfamiliar sites of God's work was the cherry on top to the trip, and quite frankly, I don't really remember much aside from the fact that it was all great.

What I really took from it however was a greater understanding of love and capacity.
In the journey of learning more about who I am and who I am made to be, I've learned that we all desire to love and to be loved.
Unfortunately when irrelevant things attached to immediacy and distraction come into play, they add layers upon layers of unclarity to our ultimate desire, and decrease our capacity to love in the moment everything is coming to play.
This was prominent, and through our trip arose through a lack of time or money... leading to impatience, frustration and arguments.
Now my family does not argue much in general, and I'm blessed because of that.
But I have found that the strict time schedule we were on and the expenses that were accumulated throughout the trip made a difference in our capacity to show our love to each other.

I do not want this reflection to be focused on the negative, because there was nothing about that trip that was negative. And throughout the trip itself, I have acknowledged situations when this happened, and have strived to pause, to bring logic back into the picture and to unify.

This is merely something I have learned about the human capacity and what could be mended together if we were free to make our decisions based on our values and with the peace of Christ, rather than on how much time or money we have.

I am reinvigorated and excited for my family's already bright present, and even brighter future.

Also would like to note other things that struck me throughout this trip:
- Crying in a casino
- Focusing on "why" not "what"
- Lack of patience and love I was able to give because I had to write a paper in the middle of a family trip

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Driving at dusk and all the right songs coming on.