An online journal created to seek meaning and purpose, to feel,

to dream, to discover, to spread joy and light, to love all of creation,

to glorify and magnify the Creator.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Behind the Viewfinder

As I've aligned myself onto a path of growth over the past year, I've found that I have gradually streamlined my schedule into a routine of busy-ness - yes, structure - yes, but for the first time in my life, being someone who once cringed at the word "routine", I have grown to love what my time has been spent doing. The difference being that my routine this time around has been wrapped around purpose and with direction to an end leading to the free, spontaneous, significant and God-glorifying life I have always yearned for.
Whether it means waking up at 6:30 every morning to leave for work, spending a huge bulk of my day expending my efforts as a mere expendable employee for someone else's practice/company, and then spending the evenings building myself and building my family's future, and somehow throwing school and creative release into the mix... It's exhausting but "while I may get tired in the work, I won't ever get tired of doing something to glorify my God and elevate my family. And I know what I currently have right now is temporary until then.

This one week trip to California has been a break in that routine. Prior to our departure, I found myself scrambling to get a week off of work, working out being away from the company and my precious association, and somehow squeeze two term papers and a presentation somewhere in there.
The pressure was demanding and I found myself not even wanting to go. However, I think the Lord as someone who sees and plans the greatest scheme of things, knew it was necessary for me and my growth in other ways.

After arriving back home, the dearest friends I have bombarded me with: How was your trip!?
It's difficult putting a raw experience into words but from what I do know, I was happy to have gone and was even happier to be back with the findings I had taken away from the trip.
Being around extended family and amidst unfamiliar sites of God's work was the cherry on top to the trip, and quite frankly, I don't really remember much aside from the fact that it was all great.

What I really took from it however was a greater understanding of love and capacity.
In the journey of learning more about who I am and who I am made to be, I've learned that we all desire to love and to be loved.
Unfortunately when irrelevant things attached to immediacy and distraction come into play, they add layers upon layers of unclarity to our ultimate desire, and decrease our capacity to love in the moment everything is coming to play.
This was prominent, and through our trip arose through a lack of time or money... leading to impatience, frustration and arguments.
Now my family does not argue much in general, and I'm blessed because of that.
But I have found that the strict time schedule we were on and the expenses that were accumulated throughout the trip made a difference in our capacity to show our love to each other.

I do not want this reflection to be focused on the negative, because there was nothing about that trip that was negative. And throughout the trip itself, I have acknowledged situations when this happened, and have strived to pause, to bring logic back into the picture and to unify.

This is merely something I have learned about the human capacity and what could be mended together if we were free to make our decisions based on our values and with the peace of Christ, rather than on how much time or money we have.

I am reinvigorated and excited for my family's already bright present, and even brighter future.

Also would like to note other things that struck me throughout this trip:
- Crying in a casino
- Focusing on "why" not "what"
- Lack of patience and love I was able to give because I had to write a paper in the middle of a family trip

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