I'm Itchy

Rummaging through abandoned lots with fearless sisters!!

Summer Set In Motion

Before I start packing for tomorrow's trip, I guess I'll write a short blurb about yesterday's shenanigans. After a whole semester of being one whole campus apart from Paula, we were finally able to meet up and catch up. The day consisted of hopping onto random busses, stumbling upon a bike rental shack, mean Vancouverites, biking around the seawall, loitering at school, celebrity shots, starving ourselves, Pasta Tuesday with Natedawg and Kuya Mike, laughing/crying and candy made from sugar + water. 

Happiness Is Not The Goal

Ironically stumbled upon this post today after my little ramble last night about not wishing happiness upon people. Here for future reference!

As a young adult, being happy seemed to be the only alternative to being depressed.

Later, happiness became like a true north in leaving a logic-based life for a more heart-felt approach. And though I’ve not always been aware of my preoccupation with the pursuit of happiness, it’s deeply entrenched in me. It’s the filter with which I make decisions, big or small.

The pursuit of happiness has become a guide to a post-modern society.

It’s why many of us get married…”Happily ever after.” It’s also why many marrieds get divorced…”I deserve to be happy.”

It makes some of us quit the rat race to pursue a passion. It keeps others of us trapped in the rate race to acquire the next home, boat, or retirement.

It inspires addictions to pain killers, or to pornography, or to petrón and drives others to stay away from such vices.

IT’S THE FILTER WE MAKE DECISIONS THROUGH – NO LONGER BETWEEN GOOD AND BAD, BUT “WHICH CHOICE WILL MAKE US HAPPIEST?”

The pursuit is everywhere. We hear it in our songs and see it in the lives of our celebrities. It’s the filter we make decisions through – no longer between good and bad, but “which choice will make us happiest?”

All this is well and good. Except that happiness happens to be a lousy guide.

I, like many, have learned this the hard way. But as our modern observations of happiness evolve, there are more than a couple reasons to elect a new guide.

The Pursuit of Happiness Makes You Unhappy

Not long ago, sociologists manufactured a situation with a moderate amount of stress and invited two sets of people in to it. The first set, when interviewed, valued being happy above most things in life. The second group didn’t cite being driven by happiness in any way. Group one, those that made happiness a goal, reported 50 percent less frequent positive emotions, 35 percent less satisfaction about life and 75 percent more depressive symptoms.

This experiment is one of many sources that suggest the higher importance we put on being happy, the less likely it is that we become happy.

Happiness is Fickle

According to science, what we feel when we feel happy is actually the release of two hormones, Dopamine and Oxytocin. And though this rush is a beautiful gift to us, it’s also proven to not stick around for very long. Not only are our bodies unable to handle this chemical reaction consistently over long seasons of time, but we eventually fall victim to what scientists have called “Hedonic Adaptation.” In other words, the things that most thrill us in one particular season tend to be short-lived and do little for us in the next.

Happiness Is a Byproduct

Viktor Frankl was a good friend and professional counterpart of Sigmund Freud. He also happened to be the only one to refute Freud’s conclusions about the validity of a direct pursuit of happiness. After years of experimentation, he infamously concluded, "It is a characteristic of the American culture that, again and again, one is commanded and ordered to ‘be happy. But happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to ‘be happy.'"

In other words, if you want to be happy, don’t directly pursue it.

The key to finding happiness is to not let it guide you. It’s electing a better, more meaningful guide in life that will create a reason to be happy.

THE KEY TO FINDING HAPPINESS IS TO NOT LET IT GUIDE YOU. IT’S ELECTING A BETTER, MORE MEANINGFUL GUIDE IN LIFE THAT WILL CREATE A REASON TO BE HAPPY.

Of course, this felt need for a guide is nothing new. Yes, we’ve currently filled the role with happiness, but we, as humans, have always looked for a guide. As kids, we look to parents or coaches. As adults, we look to leaders or a system of what’s accepted or a plethora of 10 step success formulas.

The red flag that this happiness paradox raises, however, is not about our need to be guided, but rather who, or what, we designate as our guide.

An emotion? Tradition? Your father’s expectations? Barack Obama? Hollywood? Seth Godin? Self-actualization? A combination of them all?

Certainly, we’ve all tried to find our true north in many of these at one time or another. And I’d assume that, in most attempts, the compass inevitably seems to be broken.

But then there are those realities that seem to transcend an ideal or a government or a leader and offer a very real alternative to be guided by fading emotions or non-personal guidelines in life.

Yes, happiness is a lousy guide, but it was never intended to be a guide in the first place. Our guide—our “true north”—is not fleeting at all.

In fact, He’s been with us the whole time.

Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/happiness-not-goal#fj4GCzkb80rXEtqy.99

Soul Vacation

I've decided to refrain from posting useless rants and cries for attention on Twitter. It's no serious epiphany of any sort.
I just feel the need to to discipline myself more.
For starters, I guess I could improve upon patience, slightly decreasing my impulsiveness and turning to the Lord for comfort, rather than sending negative vibes to everyone over social media.
I think fasting from Twitter will help me understand myself more and the underlying reasons behind why I want to post the things I post. This way, I can take useless, toxic thoughts and dispose of them. At the same time, I can take the more constructive thoughts, write them in a notebook for future use, and maybe develop them into writing prompts. I haven't written in a while anyways.

Here's a few thoughts:

• I haven't prayed a nightly prayer out loud in a long time. But tonight I did. Speaking prayers out loud tends to be a lot more spontaneous than saying them in my head because sometimes I say things that weren't filtered through my head before they're said. Today I prayed that everyone would come to know Your Love, rather than praying for everyone's happiness. The thought has never previously come to me, until I listened to myself say it. But I really do wish that for everyone over happiness. I think our purpose is to seek You and draw closer to You. Not to be happy. Heck, what do we know about what would make us happy anyways? We fail relentlessly. Plus, Your Son came into Earth to do Your will, and in that he endured utmost suffering. I will continue to pray that everyone will come to know Your Love. And that You will strengthen me to bring them towards you.
• Discipline is a spiked ball and many of its faces have been thrown at me in the past six months of so. I always overlooked its value because even though I have always been an anxious wreck when it came to thoughts about the future, when it came to present situations the greater goodness of the future didn't seem to bother me one bit. I would always choose instant gratification so I can be "happy" right here and right now. "I'll just deal with future consequences when that time comes". So dumb, I know. And I still struggle with this heavily, but acknowledgment is the first step to fixing problems right? This is the reason my exam/assignment pressure mode switch has been switching on closer and closer to the exam date/deadline. Because "I'll deal with it when it comes". Or the reason I never prepare beforehand for interviews. Or the reason I'm constantly broke. "Because I'll deal with no money when that time comes. But right now I still have some, so I'm not going to worry about it." Or the reason I make such extreme decisions and throw curveballs at everyone. Because I can't stand present-time obstacles and run from them without even thinking about the direction I'm running. I think it's an after effect of extreme anxiety. I just don't want to worry anymore. But there's a difference between worrying too much about situations you cannot change and deciding not to worry at all about something that you can positively change for the sake of the future. Discipline and moderation, Camille. You can do it.
• http://affectiveliving.wordpress.com/2014/03/08/what-students-really-need-to-hear/
• The concept of your purpose aligning with the deeply rooted desires that have been embedded in your heart is fascinating. 
• I have significantly gotten closer with every member of my family. 
• I really enjoy school.
• Every single time I have made a full blown plan for myself, it got destroyed hahaha. Must stop doing that. 
• Sleeping with a mouthguard, clothing that is uncomfortable (everything), after taking naps, when you're hungry, is hard.

But I'm going to try now. Goodnight! 

I need a post with a title

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist #np

Celebrating 50 years of my father's life. Here's to the most patient, humble and loving man in my life.

T'was a lovely way to end the week with the best company and a new set of odd stories to add to my collection. Here's to morning mass, ripping my shirt, snorting out water, Google map errors, awkward men asking to take our photo, used book stores, Ferrero Rocher flavoured bubble tea and a new found appreciation for chicken and Steve Rogers!

Just a short two-photo post because I actually went out and used my camera today! I've been struck by a positive wave of motivation and inspiration and I hope to document it here for myself, so that I have a means of looking back at the memories I've created, as well as a reason to push myself to take on new projects and unlock my potential. With a new year and a new mission for this online journal, I plan to do just that: "To seek meaning and purpose, to feel, to dream, to spread joy and light, to love all of creation and to glorify and magnify the Creator." Here's to what's He has in store for me!

Camille

3:55

An ambivalent task lay ahead of me when I awoke this morning. It was around 7:20 am and the earliest I have ever been up all of winter break (aside from when I just don't sleep at all). I took the early start as an opportunity to clean the part of my room that I always neglect during so-called "room cleaning days" - my closet.
Funny thing is, I always equate cleaning my room to cleaning my life, so why I continually refuse to clean the messiest part of my room is beyond me. I finished cleaning my closet at 3pm. It took a while, but I did it! Nonetheless, closet cleaning isn't necessarily the task I had in mind when I opened this post. I was more or less intimidated by the endeavour of New Year reflecting and resolution-making.
Turning the last page to the best story I have ever written still ties my stomach into knots, but I am grateful anyway and psyched to write the sequel.

Here's to:
- Student Council Executive 2013. To skipping classes to tally votes or count money. To hardcore filming days and editing nights. To our failed balloon drop. And to the incredible bond we all shared. Team. 
- Graduating. To all the debuts this year. To preparing for Artonas. To grad spirit weeks and going all-out. To taking the best friendship photo S/O to Nate, David and Paula. To getting asked to Grad on my glowing overpass x fireworks x flowers. To shopping for grad dresses. To "getting ready for the night of nights". To setting foot on willow tree grounds for the first time ever. To twirling around in our dresses and genuinely feeling like a princess. To grad gowns that were the exact replica of HSM's. To each time I was able to walk across Chandos during commencements. 
- Adventures. To van trips with Robert and Paula (Lighthouse park and Allouette Lake). To trips to Port Kells during lunch S/O Elizabeth and Robert. To WTNC Jesus Expo x seeing shooting stars x being a fool for God. To my first time overnight camping with friends for Paula's 18th. To watching the sunrise at 5am at White Rock, sitting through Legally Blonde the Musical in the pouring rain, watching the English Bay fireworks for the first time S/O Paula, Mike, Jeff. To sneaking out of the house for the first time ever x2. To Tynehead Overpass. To Green Timbers. To Menchies. To Chocolate Crinkles. 
- Ambitions. To opening La Braderie - the first legitimate self-owned store that I have always dreamed of having. To getting accepted to University. To passing calculus!! 
- Firsts. To my many firsts this year. 
- Growth. To my new household. To my old household. To Mr. Prescott. To suffering. To exponentially growing in deep and utter love of Christ. To the most difficult and by far, the best year of my life. To hope.   
- Inspiration. To every book that has captivated me, to every post I've written, to every photo I've taken and to every piece I've painted this year. 
- New things. To learning how to study, how to paint, how to bake, how to make rice, how to live, love, sacrifice, forgive and let go. 
- To each and every person who has moulded me into who I am.

Here's to it all.

3:40

Holy geez, creative release in any of its forms nourishes the desires of my heart in a way that no other worldly shenanigan can. Despite the stress that I had to endure earlier today, (worrying about practice times and seating arrangements...sigh) the latter part of the day was pure bliss. There's something about not having deadlines and being productive nonetheless that feels so free. Anyways, as of yesterday I am officially 18. Feels no different yet feels different at the same time. But praise God!! I am so incredibly grateful. I will remember red velvet cookie cakes from Burnaby, opening gifts in an empty theatre and getting attacked by an owl. This year was ample in new things, hardships, growth, strengthening and discovery. I am so excited to see what else You have in store for me!! On to the next chapter.

 

11:06

I keep encountering one good week after another and it's compelling me to believe that I've reached yet another inflection point in my life. This time, it's concave up and for that I am so so grateful!
Frick, I can't believe I just implemented Calculus into my writing. I take Applied Calculus for a reason, and that reason is to learn Calculus, not to use its lingo in my posts. But no matter, the important thing is that I'm learning and using something that I've learned! Hooray!
Here are some photos to commemorate another blessed week.

Clear skies and trips to SFU Burnaby are a good combination

I'm finding that my prayer time has been insufficient lately and so I'm taking the initiative to write letters to my Father every night instead as a prayer. 

Reminders are always welcomed.

1:33

You know, my life has been abundant in blessings lately. It's impossible for me to even look back at the past week and remember a day when I wasn't showered in graces from the Lord. 

I just wanted to say thank You.

• For the beautiful sunrises that You have placed in my path every morning, that allow me to recognize Your presence in my life. You are always there and it is simply but strongly comforting that I can be assured that You will never leave me. I love You so so much. 
• For the return of my love for exploring and photography - even if it's just through my phone. This week has made me feel alive. 
• For my new service role and household. For the challenges I will face and all of the things I have learned and will learn from all of you. For your uplifting greetings on GroupMe. Thank you.
• For my CCO Faith Study with Chantal and Caitlin. You have opened a new world for me. I truly look forward to every Friday so that I can enjoy the simple pleasure of sitting down with two people, sharing laughs and talking about our weeks. You have made this semester bearable.
• For my friends who have altered their schedules and made way so that they can attend my cotillion practices. For their toleration of my constant nagging. And for the joy that they bring to my home whenever they come by. 
• For my friends. Especially Angelica, Kim, Ina, Vanessa, Chantel, Rosabella, Paula, Kuya Mike. You have shown me such love and care. Thank you for taking the time to check up on me and  and for always being the wonderful support system that you always have been and that I am confident I will always be able to fall back on. I love you guys so much. Alissa, thank you for going out of your way to take me out, go to mass with me and fill me up with love. I will forever cherish our car rides, going to Vancouver, step class and Surrey Lake together. Madeleine, thank you for our weekly Thursday meetings and our talks about our life dreams. You provide me with so much hope. Angela, thank you for wishing me good days. Your morning greetings are extremely powerful and uplifting. Abby, Ynna, and Erin, for the constant encouragement and reminders that I desperately need to keep going, thank you. 
• And lastly, for my family. Mama and Papa, you have provided me with the most perfect, living example of what I need to strive to be like. Thank you for exemplifying Christ to me. Josh, for being of no trouble to me at all. Ever. You were only ever a help in my life and always did what I asked of you. I am so lucky. And Therese, for listening. Truly listening. and being the one person who knows me inside and out and still has not abandoned me. I love you so much. 

The fog is slowly moving out and allowing me to see more and more clearly. I can appreciate once again.
Brb. The empire is under renovation. But the rebuilding process has started and is well on its way. And for that, I'm thankful.
Perestroika.